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The Music of Alex Holderness
The Story
I've written and rewritten this biography so many times now that I'm not even sure what it says anymore. Submit to one critic and you get "too honest", another says "too vague". What you've got here is me. I am done mollycoddling the industry, they don't really give a shit anyway. So on with the story.
Music has always been my escape, my attempt at communication, my personal redemption and my cure for boredom. A lot of holes to fill yes, but then I think music serves that role in almost all of our lives. Writing and playing provides a soundtrack, an auditory emotional guide, to our daily routine. We listen in the car, at work, in clubs, at events, at home, to our wake-up alarm; music literally surrounds us. Not to sound overly dramatic but this point was hammered home on me when I was recently asked, "If you had five songs as the soundtrack of your life what would they be?" Immediately I thought I knew, and I started spitting out my favorite stuff. I then had sixteen hours on a plane in which to reflect on this question and actually try to prepare a decent answer. So the following is my biography, or my soundtrack if you will.
First let's lay down a few themes. Then, we'll apply these themes to each song in the "soundtrack". Ready? Okay. Alex Holderness' life in a nutshell: love, alienation, anxiety and redemption (not the religious kind but the spiritual kind). At 35 years old and with a plethora of work and relationship experiences behind me, the soundtrack would contain the following:
1. Like a Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan,
2. Darkness on the Edge of Town by Bruce Springsteen,
3. Jersey Girl by Tom Waits,
4. When the Angels Sing by Social Distortion/Mike Ness, and
5. Washing of the Water by Peter Gabriel.
as an extra and a cheater, my song, Another Dollar.
This may seem a cliché set of tunes, and actually I don't care because it's my soundtrack. But take a few minutes to read why I've chosen these five songs before you judge me.
1. Like a Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan sums up everything I feel about myself in 6 minutes. I view this song, as I view most Dylan songs, as autobiographical. This song is about personal alienation. It is about the things we/I do to protect myself from the possibility of painful relationships. I am the person in the story projecting my discontent with my own circumstances and choices onto those around me. Rolling Stone captures all themes, it is a masterwork. The song touches alienation and anxiety head on, but also eludes to love as a required prior element. In the end the song is about redemption - when you've got nothing you've got nothing to lose. Now you can move on.
2. Darkness of the Edge of Town by Bruce Springsteen may be the most effective personal struggle song I've ever heard. I tried to capture the same "flirting with depression" concept in Round Again, but I am no where near as effective a storyteller. This song burns with the fears of falling literally into the darkness on the edges. We all know they are there, even the happiest of us have touched them once or twice, and we all know how nasty the experience is when we do get close. Bruce manages to take a powerfully difficult subject and make it accessible through his imagery and creative story. I don't listen to this song often anymore, but it has had a major impact on my writing and my life.
3. Jersey Girl by Tom Waits is a great love song. Strong, slow, melancholy, emotive, powerful - all the things that love is. Waits has created in this song a flood of emotion capped by the simple, yet ultra-powerful chorus of simply one word and one phrase - La La when your in love. It really doesn't get much better than this one...I have goose bumps writing about it. Jersey Girl allows for 4 minutes of peace and total dedication to your relationship. There is no time for anything else. All things are fixed on your love. It is a haunting song that continuously helps me believe in the pure beauty of being in love.
4. When the Angels Sing by Social Distortion. I have always wanted to be a bad ass. Unfortunately I lack that certain meanness that is required to be effective at it. I simply don't like to hurt people. Mike Ness, however, seems to capture everything about being tough and hard and at the same time deliver it in a honest, human way. His music is filled with angst and anger and yet it is so personal that I feel like he's an old friend. No one else writes like him, he is in a class by himself. When the Angels Sing hit me smack in the face the first time I heard it. It's a touch more melodic than the rest of Social D's stuff but retains that massive power so critical to their sound. This is a song about redemption and Ness makes no bones about it when he says, "At last we meet again dear God when the angels sing." I think Ness hits on something important in this song no matter what you believe in religiously, he is asking for understanding. "Sometimes I try so hard to understand the things you do. WHO AM I to question you when it all comes down?" Literal, pointed, honest and vulnerable - these are tough things to pull off in any walk of life...period. If you've never heard this song you owe it to yourself to click the link and listen.
5. Washing of the Water by Peter Gabriel is where I go when I need help. The "musician's musician" created a stinger here. There is so much wrapped up in the lyrics of this song it is incredible. Occasionally, when I feel lost, I reach for this tune to bail me out. It is about lost relationships and lost innocence. It is a plea for redemption, for purging, for cleansing, for rejuvenation. I covered this song once at a small bar and it felt like I was coming apart. "I'll get those hooks out of me and I'll take out the hooks that I sunk deep in your side. (I'll) Kill that fear of emptiness, that loneliness I hide." Everyone feels it sometime, it's called saying sorry. As I mentioned earlier, I am not a bad person. I do not hurt other people. I do, however, take wicked shots at myself and for this I am certain I ask everyday for redemption. Thank you Mr. Gabriel for your open and eloquent explanation of that desire.
The add on: 6. Another Dollar by me. Yes it is self-indulgent, but then again I've tried for years to remain a non-self-indulgent artist and I now believe that to be an oxymoron. Another Dollar is one of the simplest songs I've ever written. It contains 4 chords round the same progression. The melody changes subtly from verse to chorus, but not much. The critics hate that about it - "NO HOOK". For a song without a hook it sure gets a lot of attention. Nothing else I've ever written gets hummed or song back to me as much as this song. The chorus, in my opinion, is infectious. So fuck the critics and the industry anyway - I like the song. The true story is that this was penned in about 5 minutes on an airplane ride from Chicago to San Jose in 2000. I had been divorced all of 2 weeks and went to a very close friend's wedding, the first since finalizing my own dissolution. For those of you who've been through this you'll remember IT SUCKS. However, that particular evening provided a catharsis. I broke from my concerns and worries about being alone and was able to stand as myself, loved or not, and be happy about it. This was the first time in my life I can remember feeling this way. Dollar hit me with all the things I had been and done in my life that seemed to be predicated on the goals of others, not my own goals. "Another dollar brings another day", that's the way it had begun to feel in my life. Dollar is a mean spirited song, and angry song and yet, a pleasantly redeeming song for me. Every time I sing it, live or alone at home, I sink myself into it because for me it marks the darkness and the washing in one moment.
The above are my personal interpretations on these songs, not the artists and certainly not the critics. If you disagree, great, let me know what you think at unsigned@11east.com. If you think I'm spot-on let me know that too (I need the kudos). At any rate, thanks for taking a few minutes to read through this page and, hopefully, listen to the songs. You now know me a lot better; for some of you, you may feel like you just got to know me for the first time. Check out the music page and the Zihuatanejo page and maybe even buy an album - I ship internationally. Also, I am a photographer so check out that web site.
Thanks for your time and take care,
Alex
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Song clips link to mp3.com and require Real Player to listen. Other formats may be available using Napster or other music dowload sites.
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PROFESSIONAL RESUME
Alex is currently playing solo shows and bass with Negative Feedback. Read more.
Listen to the Music
See Alex play:
San Francisco: The Cherry Bar, Last Day Saloon, Hotel Utah, Black Magic, Blue Triangle Lounge
San Jose: The Blank Club, The Brit
Musical Influences and Inspiration:
Bob Dylan, Peter Gabriel, Tom Waits, Roger Waters and Pink Floyd, Paul Westerberg and The Replacements, Mike Ness and Social Distortion, Dave Pirner and Soul Asylum
The Solo Gig
Locations: San Francisco, California
New York, New York
Chicago, Illinois
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Washington, DC
Madison, Wisconsin
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Boulder, Colorado
Instruments: Vocals, Piano, Keyboards, Guitar, Bass, Drum Programming
The Bands
Prehistoric Jello Babies 1984 in Edina, Minnesota
Kick Surgery 1985 in Edina, Minnesota
Abroad Story 1989 in Madison, Wisconsin
Cup O'Joe 1990 in Madison, Wisconsin
Prozack Jack 1996 in Ann Arbor, Michigan
Negative Feedback 2002 in San Jose, California